Weekend leftovers – Things I wanted to say but didn’t

• When your kid arrives late to the birthday party, and wants to get in the little kiddie pool with a bunch of happy, splashing 3 year olds, don’t expect them to stop splashing just because your precious little Thurston doesn’t like it.  It was bad enough when he, a fellow 3 year old, tried to stop them, but for you, the ADULT, to then try and make them all stop frolicking and splashing, was just beyond sense.

 

• If you go to a restaurant that is known for its fried oysters, fries, Budweiser and bug spray, don’t expect them to do backflips meeting all of your special order, high maintenance, snotty needs.  And your boyfriend?  Was checking out all of the waitresses butts while you were going on and on about the eighty seven ways to NOT prepare your meal.

 

• If you sit in the back three rows at church, you are going to have to put up with some level of kid noise.  We are supposedto sit there so we can whisk our toddlers out as soon as they become a disturbance. If you want silence, go sit in the front with the rest of the AARP.

 

• If I come to your line at the grocery store, and I see money fall out of the circular you just picked up from the TOP OF YOUR REGISTER, please spare me the song and dance about how you have no idea how it got there.  The longer you went on and on about how you would never do anything like that, the guiltier you sounded.    I know you don’t make much money at Acme, but just watching you try to talk your way out of it made me feel dirty.

Carry on.